What is Marriage and why we have marriage suffering?

Recently I have come across to a lot of (Buddhist) friends who have marriage problem.
Some says their love one had affair and some think their relatives or good friends like her husband. Some suspect her husband are gay and some think their love one don't love them anymore.

What is Marriage and why we have marriage suffering?

When two people fallen in love, they have happiness all around them. The love is so strong that they cannot spend a day apart. They will call each other many times just to tell says "I miss you". Until both decided to get married! things changed.....

Why are things different when you are married? The person doesn't seem to be the one you love anymore. Is it because of pressure? Or is it because of other factors that against the relationship? What is it?

Well I may have the answer.

There are many different marriage suffering.

The most common sufferings arise due to expectation, we tend to set a standard in our mind that our love one should or should not do something. for example: Why is he back so late, Why he can’t help me with this, When is he free to go holidays with me, How come he never tell me this, Why he do all this, How come he is always with him, and etc. Imagine if both partners expect something from each other, and the expectation can’t be fulfill what will happen?


Another type of sufferings is the very common one. Most lover like to give what they think their partner want, but not what the partner really want.
Let me share this story with you.

The story of Lilly
Lilly grew up in a wonderful family. her mother is a perfect housewife who work day and night to keep the house in order. And her father is a supreme husband who works very hard to bring the bread and butter home for the family. However her mother and father don’t really get along with each other. From young Lilly watch her mother and father suffer to maintain their marriage that they don’t even treasure.

A few years ago Lilly got married, she live with her husband in their new home. She became a housewife like her mother she works all day to make sure the home is neat and tidy. Every time after dinner Lilly’s husband will asked her to accompany him to watch the movie or listen to the music together, but Lilly thinks that she had far too much house work to do, she rejected her husband again and again. As time goes by her relationship with her husband began to decrease, she began to picture her self like her mother doing house work all the time living her husband alone.

She realised, over this year instead of giving what her husband really want (Which is to be by his side watching movie). She worked hard to keep the home orderly for her husband thinking that it is what he wants. Just like her mother and father, who love each other but are trying so hard to give one something that they don’t really want.

The correct way to show our love is really to listen to our partner and give them what they really want (reasonable request... use your wisdom) .